It’s been over a week now, ten days to be exact. I am sleeping at night. I am sleeping long and well, without fear or dread of nightmares. I feel rested and like my normal self   again. The insomnia which has plagued me every night for the last four or five months is gone. And I know exactly when it stopped.

Saturday evening March 15, I left church after Encounter Week End. As I pulled   onto the highway, I felt something inside me as slight as a breath and gone almost immediately. I knew there was a breakthrough for God had healed me of insomnia. Why so certain? I can’t explain it except it was pure grace. As Pastor Joe Wilson says so often it is the Mystery of God. That night I fell asleep almost immediately, slept through and woke up to a beautiful, light filled morning, refreshed in spirit as well as body.

I’ve had trouble sleeping in the past. Worries about children, family, health, finances and life in general disrupted my sleep. During especially difficult times, I didn’t sleep at all some nights and I learned to function o.k. for a day or so without sleeping,

I believed that a lot of the problem was genetic. For years my mother complained about not sleeping . I never paid much mind. How could she sleep? My father snored so loudly next to her he could keep the neighbors awake. My uncle would go out into his gardens to transplant or dig weeds in the middle of the night. My older brother regularly “fought the nightly bed sheets” as he described it. And my maternal grandfather who was a police chief in Europe, cooked up a storm during his night wandering hours. Obviously, my sleep problems were inherited.

Over the years and especially as I’ve gotten older, sleep disruptions became “normal,” if annoying.   There were seasons of sleeping and seasons for not. There was nothing I could do about it, except wait it out.

This time , however, the insomnia was different. I could not fall asleep, no matter how tired I was.   The sleep switch was turned off. As soon as my head hit the pillow, my mind revved into high alert.   I cut out caffeine in the afternoon and drank herbal teas at night, took walks, researched sleep disorders, quit listening to the news, stayed off the computer before bed. I turned the clocks toward the wall so I wouldn’t see the time. I opened winter windows and froze my poor husband. Nothing helped. I read my Bible and prayed. My pastor and church family prayed for me many times. My nightly prayer became desperate: God, please just help me! Exhausted, I’d sometimes doze off during the night, only to startle awake half an hour later. Then ugly, very violent “dreams” began to manifest to torment me even more. I was afraid to go to bed. Sleeping pills were the only way to get some sleep and not have night terrors. In the mornings I felt groggy, drained and angry with God. How could   I serve Him   if I couldn’t sleep? Our Pastor counseled me that there were inexplicable seasons like this, when the only thing to do is to trust God. He wouldn’t abandon me. In my weakness, He is strong. Fine, I thought, peevishly. I’m certainly weak. Now let me sleep.

A key part of Encounter is Forgiveness and choosing to forgive those who have hurt us. On Saturday I wrote down a name on the Forgiveness List, but then God did what God does best. He showed me the truth – I was writing the name out of obligation, not obedience . I saw exactly how resentful I still was. Unforgiveness chained me to the other person. I saw Jesus nailed to the cross for all my transgressions, his Body broken and His blood shed, healing me with every stripe He bore.   What right did I have to reject His forgiving sacrifice? None at all. No harm ever done to me is big enough to negate Christ’s sacrificial Forgiveness. That’s when I gave my foolish resentments to the Lord and repented.

Afterward, two beautiful prayer warriors prayed with me. I left after Encounter very tired. On the way home God’s merciful, loving kindness fell. Rest and sleep were never so sweet as that night.

Sleep disorders have many causes, natural, emotional and spiritual. I don’t know what caused my natural sleep cycles to go haywire, but I know it is not God’s wish that his children go around sleep deprived and exhausted. He does not want me, as an adult, to be afraid of the dark. God created both the day and the night, the waking time and the resting time so human bodies can rejuvenate.

Christ calls us to forgive one another as He forgave us.  My secret unforgiveness put me spiritually at risk and gave the enemy a doorway for lots of mayhem.  Forgiveness  put Jesus  in the doorway and  as I called on Him, the enemy had to flee.   Once again, the Lord who is slow to anger was greatly abounding in love and mercy. He gave me my miracle.

I was looking at genetics, at aging, at stress instead of examining what God’s Word says about sleep. The Scriptures, especially the Psalms, are filled with sleep references.

Here are my favorites: Gifts for Sleep

“I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4:8).

“On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night” (Psalm 63:6).

I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me” (Psalm 3:5)

“I rise before dawn and cry for help; I have put my hope in your word. My eyes stay open through the watches of the night,  that I may meditate on your promises” (Psalm 119:147-148).

“You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you” (Psalm 91:5-7).)

“He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep” (Psalm 121:3-4)

And a reminder that there is definitely a time to go rest.

It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he gives his beloved sleep. (Psalm 127.2)

I do believe that King David and I may have some things in common! Praise God from whom every blessing and  sleep comes.

Friede Gabbert