For thus said the Lord GOD, the Holy One of Israel, “In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.” But you were unwilling, Isaiah 30:15

Well, it’s still January and it’s still snowing. A week ago when the weather was a little milder,  my husband looked at blue sky and declared,” This winter is over!”  Au contraire, I said to myself. Remember last February when it snowed for almost a whole month? When I relayed Dan’s weather forecasting to daughter Laura, she was more blunt.  “ Oh, Dad says that every year.” Indeed, he does and indeed, it is still very much winter, officially ending on March 20 – still months away. The seasons don’t change because we want them to or because I want to get out in the garden or because  Dan as well as our friends and neighbors are weary of shoveling  snow.

A different perspective helps.  January as well as February invite us mountain residents to be patient, to enjoy our beautiful winter landscapes of snow laden trees and ice covered ponds steaming like heated kettles in the morning air and seriously  reflect on where we live and why we live here.  We bless  God for  His provision  and say a prayer of thanksgiving that He alone orders the times and the seasons. (I shudder to think what would happen if human technology  conrolled the  weather.)

In past years I’ve gone for a week long silent retreat to St. Gertrude’s Monastery in Cottonwood in this last week of January, precisely  during McCall’s Winter Carnival. I’ve gone  there with  many anxieties, fears,  questions and doubts filling up the suitcase of my brain. Seven days later, I’d return home refreshed and renewed. If not exactly empty, that suitcase didn’t drag me down any more.  I need  time by myself,  time to be still, to listen, pray and respond to God’s Word without interference. The most critical and difficult part of the retreat was keeping silence for an entire week. There were some exceptions to the requirement (community prayer and optional personal time with a  spiritual director),  but I found out how much the incessant noise of our families, communities and the world, as well as the church pollutes the soul. When noise gone, the silence is deafening and challenging.  It’s actually frightening because in true silence we are very much alone and exposed. Like Adam and Eve in the Garden after hearing the devil speak, when we lose the Beloved’s Voice, we  hide from the very thing our hearts long for: intimate conversation with our Father.

It’s no wonder we don’t hear God’s voice speaking to us.  It’s not God who isn’t doing His part. The Holy Spirit is always hovering nearby  speaking God’s Word  and drawing us to Christ. The fault is ours for not slowing down, not being quiet, i.e., incessantly talking or texting or twittering or googling whatever demands attention. We choose not to take mini vacations with the Lord. Long ago, the prophet admonished “that we are unwilling.” We like our worldly stuffed suitcases.

This year there are no retreats or visits to the monastery because of  COVID. Naturally, I miss going, but God did provide another way to for me take a mental and spiritual break- through our church Reset. I did not leave my home, but  instead spent very precious  time in my  secret place every day. I didn’t  go for long walks along the prairie or watch the sunrise infusing the vast,  unimpeded sky with tangerine light. But I walked the dog in the snow and watch snow falling like grace. Obviously, I couldn’t keep even one day’s silence with Dan because that would have been pretty selfish and weird. Nevertheless, I’ve experienced inner silence, refreshing  and peace almost daily for three weeks.  

In some ways, this Reset has been as life giving as a full week long retreat. I did not have to go away to hear God’s Voice. Just as His eye is always toward us, so are His whispers.  Prioritizing the Lord  is pretty basic” God 101″. All that’s required is willingness to listen and then obeying  what He speaks.   Show up for Him even if it’s January and you can’t get away.