Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

I’ve just returned from a week long silent retreat  at the monastery of St. Gertrude. Many people are unaware of this beautiful monastery and retreat center  located on a hillside three miles north of Cottonwood, Idaho. I read that “Come To the Quiet”  was being offered again at the end of January and decided to go. St. Gertrude’s is a Benedictine community which  offers and practices the ancient tradition of hospitality to the traveler and stranger. It was  just what I needed, a time and place to settle my troubled soul,   be welcomed  and most importantly, have  unfettered time with the Lord.

When I told friends where I was going, some were perplexed. “You mean you can’t  talk for a whole week? I could never do that.” Others were wistful, “Sounds great. I’d love to go.” This was not my first silent retreat so  I knew what to expect.  Yes, one  is strongly encouraged to keep silence for the entire time:  communal silent meals with other pilgrims; hours of solitude in my room or  walking;  watching the prairie sky;  exploring the library and art center; long evenings with no media; no  chirping text messages. One of the sisters mentors each person and for many like me who come with a broken heart, short conversations with her are as important as  personal quiet.

The entire point of the retreat is to  shut out  noise from the outside world and the chatter of  constant conversations  so that  you can hear the still small voice  of God whispering into the heart. It is not easy. We are incessantly  polluted by the world’s  noise which  distorts and separates us from the interior spiritual life of the Holy Spirit. After a time we don’t even notice.  We’ve accepted the devil’s clanging and  banging   in our eardrum so much we’re constantly distracted and exhausted.

At first I questioned whether I should even go. With Dan gone, there is too much silence in the house.  I now turn on the radio in the morning and the television  at night to fill up the spaces, to stop  mentally rehearsing  how life  turned on a dime. However, a friend encouraged me to go. I remembered the blessings of the last retreat.  Did not God speak to me in silent solitude then?  But  first I needed to seek God  for as  the prophet Jeremiah said, …And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

I’ve discovered an oddity. What  words  can accurately define silence?  The dictionary definition is circular:  silence is the absence of sound, speech and noise.  It defines silence in terms of the  absence or lack of its opposite, like saying hunger is the absence of being hungry. Silence is different from quiet and solitude but both are needed.  In Psalm 46 God tells us to be still. God speaks  like a parent telling an overactive child to settle down, to quit  wiggling and to  be still. Calm down. Too much  noise! How can you hear anything I say?

Silence is not empty at all.   As I read and wrote and traipsed the beautiful  monastery grounds,  silence  poured into  the vast space of  my heart. There  God speaks His Word,   there I hear Him more clearly, and  therein He makes all things new. If God spoke  all creation and creatures out of  darkness with His Word,  when there was not yet  any sound but His own, what riches await us from the mouth of the Lord in blessed  silence.